Today is a momentous day.
Yes, back in 1944 was the invasion of Normandy, France by the allied troops. It is referred to as ‘D-Day’.
43 years later there was another momentous day on June 6th.
It was the day of my marriage to The Patriarch. Yes, that makes today our 25th Wedding Anniversary! I guess you could say this is also… W-Day.
I ran across this post today – To Love Honor and Vacuum. She lists some good tips for keeping your husband the man of your dreams, even though there is now much water under the bridge!
I will list her headings and add my own comments below that list.
1) Don’t Compare Him, 2) Find Things to Praise Him For, 3) Don’t Try to Tame Him, 4) Embrace a Healthy S*x Life.
1) Whew! I wouldn’t want him to compare me to another woman, especially a fake one from the movies or a magazine! This is the man you chose to marry, the man you ‘fell in love with’, enjoyed talking with and spent hours getting yourself ready for. Learn to love him for who he is! If he is adoring you above all else, worshiping the ground you walk on, etc then his priorities are wrong. You should come after his love for the Lord, not before. That other idea is a false humanistic view of love.
Now this is the commandment—the statutes and the rules—that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, 2 that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. 3 Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.
4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. Deuteronomy 6:1 – 5
And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’
My dear husband goes to work every day, working hard to provide for us. He is out slaying his dragons, taking dominion over his part of the world. Currently his work environment is Christian-hostile, anti-intellectual and physically and spiritually draining. My desire is for him to “want” to come home every day. I sure don’t want to do, say or behave in a way that would drive him away!
2) When I have my priorities in their proper places it is much easier for me to take my eyes off of what I perceive as my needs and focus on what his needs are. I do not do this as well as I would like, but with the Lord’s help I am improving one day at a time.
I also am careful not to praise him in a way that seems artificial or fake. That seemed to be a problem in his extended family and in his childhood home the pendulum swung so far the other way that no compliments were given for anything. I don’t gush with meaningless words but am specific in what I am praising him for. Sometimes if is an “offhand” kind of comment, like when I told him I love the way he leads our family devotions. It was part of a larger conversation and fit in context. I wasn’t “looking for something to compliment him on”, but mentioned something I genuinely appreciate.
I also take what opportunities I can to praise him behind his back. Years ago as a Creative Memories consultant I attended consultant only crops. There were a several women who spent lots of time tearing down their husbands. Some I make sure to remember as examples for what NOT to do!
3) She says “don’t tame him”, but I see this as “Be IN Submission To Him”! This is the age-old problem between men & women, brought about by our first parents… Adam & Eve.
It can be so easy for we as women to fool ourselves into thinking we are being submissive when in actuality we are only agreeing with our husbands. Do not think that I am doing this perfectly, for I am not. There are still and always will be areas I can improve upon. But there should be improvement!
If you asked your husband, would he say you are in true biblical submission to him? Let’s not focus on the anomalies to a healthy biblical relationship.
Here are some questions I ask to test myself:
Has my husband asked me to do something that I have still not gotten done days, weeks or months later?
Am I making my husband’s wishes a priority in my day above what I think I ‘must’ get done today?
Do I talk over my husband? Do I interrupt my husband? Do I correct my husband in front of the children or others?
Do the children respect my husband? If not, than the root problem may lie at my door.
Am I doing or saying anything that would discourage my husband from being the biblical leader of our home?
8 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3: 8 – 24
4) I have nothing to add here.
I think I told you before that The Patriarch was out of work for 2 months. Once he got another job it was a number of weeks before we had our first full paycheck. We were a full 10 and a half weeks without income. I did not tell my husband that he needed to look for work, I knew he knew that full well. My saying anything along those lines would be nagging. He didn’t need THAT from me. He asked me, as keeper of the accounts, how we fared financially and I gave him an honest answer. Not making things look bleaker than they were or glossing over any potential difficulties. I didn’t make any comments like, ‘well we could do that or have that but you aren’t bringing in a paycheck’. If he decided to not do something, or to do something I made it all work to the best of my ability. The same went for if we said anything to anyone or not. He chose ‘not’. It was well over half way through our ‘tight financial time’ when he thanked me for being supportive! Once Arrow and I knew he would be leaving for work, we both told him we were glad he got a job but sorry he wouldn’t be home! We all came to see this time as a blessing in our family. I will share more on those things in a different post.
I was not always in submission to DH. I was one who had duped myself into thinking I was, when the truth was I was not in submission. Once I truly did submit myself to his biblical authority and I was no longer striving for his God-given-position as leader in our family so many needless arguments simply vanished!
I wouldn’t trade that false sense of freedom I once had for the true freedom I now enjoy. It has been such a blessing!
So does that mean this is… D W Day?!!
Blessings, ~Aunt Mae (aka ~Mrs. R)
Other posts you may be interested in:
LAF Has Returned
Resolution – More Attentive to DH